About

Nonya, Bietz & Waxxe is the world's premier non-service based law firm. We assist in urgent legal matters across a host of receptive forums, favorable jurisdictions and legal loopholes. Then, all that remains is servicing to ensure the house of cards is maintained (we can arrange for someone else to handle that for much less).

Our Story

"Let's face it. If you need a lawyer, you're likely not looking forward to it. It's never a fun occasion to create a bunch of paperwork for yourself or stave off the authorities. But you know it must be done.

Without our efforts, the world might fall apart. We may not be doing God's work, but we do it with honesty. Do we make mistakes? Sure. But those kinds of mistakes are fixable. Get one of those other law firms to deal with it; I'm sure they charge a lot less.

When you need to bury a body, literally or metaphorically, we will find a way to get it done in a colorably legal manner.

The truth will eventually come out - we'll see to it if need be - and it probably won't be pretty. But we can give you as much time as possible to explain and get your day in court."

- Harold "Harry" Waxxe

Founding Co-Partner of Nonya, Bietz & Waxxe LLP

Current Partners and Notable Cases

Sonya Nonya, one of the firm's founding partners, has been a mainstay of the legal profession for over a decade. Her representations have included companies as small as a single person and as large as too-big-to-fails. Sonya is looked to for consultation on international matters by governments, global institutions and important decision-makers every day. As such, she is typically many hours behind the real-world. If you need immediate attention, we recommend you reach out to the associate assigned to your case.

The Institution

In order for a lawyer to assist you, they need both a knowledge of the law and knowledge of your exact situation. Upon graduating law school, founding partner Dr. Julie Bietz decided she never wanted to fully leave academia. She obtained her doctorate shortly thereafter and we stopped counting how many degrees she has. We remain surprised how knowledge of quantum physics or etymology comes in handy. But in every case, we are so happy that it did.

The Know-How

Carrie Waxxe is the daughter of the late Harry Waxxe, one of the founding partners of the firm. She became the youngest partner of a large law firm after joining the firm two years after graduating law school. Despite the accusations of nepotism, Carrie is an incredibly capable attorney. Being underestimated gives her, and by extension, you, the upper hand.

The Perspective

Did you really think we would disclose those? Do you not understand the basis of our business model?

We may be able to help with these kinds of things:

Last minute Luxembourgian board meeting scheduling
Putting together an emergency 8-K covering horrific events
Convincing someone to turn themselves in
Postpone authorities until you can find the real killer